I, like many a sweaty palmed freshman boy, consider myself at least at the fourth grade level in terms of artistic ability (I would not dare to push that number past sixth grade however). Armed with a half-dry crayola marker and a technicolor array of blunt crayons, I concocted an absolute beaut of a semi poster. The letters on the left? Outrageously wide. The letters on the right? Thinner than a damp napkin.
All semi formal asks must contain a color scheme best described as “visual jazz,” stunning combination of crooked attempts at fonts (again, an extremely theoretical idea of the word font), and a highly questionable pun. The askers must be accompanied by a posse of vaguely uncomfortable bystanders, some of whom take the opportunity to snap a photo that looks like it was taken by an overexcited mom.
As much as I love, cherish, and appreciate this tradition, I believe now more than ever is the time for change. So, Deerfield Academy, you can diversify the the way you self-inflict a state of tangible awkwardness by using the following methods to ask your date to the dance.
1. Write a Scroll article declaring your undying wish to spend the semiformal dance with your one and only probably-just-a-friend. Is it opinion? Sports? Arts and Entertainment? If you’re lucky, you might even land your ask on a page that someone actually reads.
2. Climb to the roof of the MSB and scream “S-E-M-I-QUES-TION-MARK” in time with the glorious ringing of the bell. If the Deerfield Fire Department, ignore to the best of your (albeit questionable) abilities.
3. Have Mr. Howe incorporate it into his classic Top 10. Does semiformal rhyme with “NEPSAC champions”? Let him decide.
4. Don’t.
Or go on wasting your hours in the iLab, spilling tears over spilt ink and stand outside a dorm for 15+ minutes, waiting for your dream girl to walk out and awkwardly accept. However, I will give credit where it is due: there is a special beauty of the winter drizzle soaking through your cardstock and your hair, and seeing the flash of an iPhone 7’s camera bouncing off your date’s eyes. Love is a semiformal poster, or maybe a semiformal poster is the purest manifestation of teenage awkwardness and peer pressure. It can be hard to tell the difference.