With the threat of global warming and rising oceans, being too friendly with Russia, and the fact that the United States is now the second most favorite country north of Mexico, it is time to reintroduce some stability into our lives; it is time to act.  For the past few years, our identity has been questioned, Amherst College will soon be the Hamster or the Fighting Poets, and Thomas Gale has been calling us the Flying Doors.  Captain Deerfield rallies the Big Green, the student body grunts, “Aga-Chee, Aga-Cha!”, and the Deerfield Girl and the Deerfield Boy are speechless.  We need something on which to lay our hands and toward which we can unify our voices.  Deerfield Academy needs a mascot.

Having noticed that there are no deer in Deerfield, and believing that the Deerfield Fields is both not alliteration and not bold enough, we seek our strength elsewhere.  We may want to consider the Deerfield Academy Raid, which is sufficiently abstract, or the DA Green Goblins, which, unfortunately, disappeared with the decommissioning of the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant to the north of us.  Maybe the Deerfield Academy Candles, or the Rivers, or the Helen Franks.  All of these options lack something, and it is not called awesomeness.

Nevertheless, hope is on the eastern horizon, mostly because you won’t see the ICBMs coming from North Korea.  When we look to the hills, and then climb them, not only do we start sweating, but we also come to that precipice in the clouds called, “The Rock.”  It’s like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow that doesn’t exist.  There you go: The Deerfield Academy Rock.  The Rock.  Dr. Curtis hikes to it.  Justin Masella looks like it.  A flock rhymes like it.  Imagine the Rock on our jerseys, shirts, shorts, and suits.  Instead of green and white M&Ms in Admissions, just a bowl of rocks and those cute spoons.  It’s a beauty, that Rock.  An inspirational summit calling us to the heights of achievement and, as a bonus, no controversy about demeaning indigenous American imagery.  It’s time, Deerfield Academy, to heed the wisdom of that bloke Angus Young of AC/DC: “Let There Be Rock!”