Dear Margo, Rita & Curtis,

Is it too early to ask someone to Semi?

Signed,
Ready to dance ‘til I drop

Dear Dance ‘til I drop,

You don’t have a date to Semi yet? I got mine over the summer when my date parachuted chocolates from an airplane onto my lawn spelling out “SEMI?” Naturally, I said yes. Don’t fret, though, not everyone can be as lucky as I am.

A general rule of thumb is that it is never too early to ask someone to Semi. In fact, I recommend booking your sophomore, junior, and senior dates now, because we all know that going to Semi with someone is only a small step away from being engaged. However, keep in mind that if you haven’t had classical training in swing dancing from the time you could walk, don’t even bother asking someone. You are an undesirable date and a potential hazard on the dance floor.

If you‘ve passed the first prerequisite of dance training, you may advance to thinking about how to ask your date. First rule of asking: When in doubt, do it in public. This may seem counterintuitive—you may ask yourself, “Why would I want to be rejected in public in front of the entire student body?” But that’s the point!!! If it’s in public, your potential date literally cannot say no to you or else he or she risks looking like a terrible person in front of the whole school. This method is basically a fool-proof way of forcing someone to attend Semi with you.

If you are more confident in yourself, I recommend thinking big when trying to figure out how to ask. For example, release a pair of doves into the Dining Hall that land on your target’s shoulder and drop a love poem into his or her lap. And you might think that’s enough, but you’d be wrong—now it’s time to cue the orchestra. After he or she has been serenaded, the ceiling panels open, and you glide on a wire down to your soon-to-be date with at least a dozen roses in hand. If he or she says no then, that’s social suicide—no one is ever going to top that ask. No one is going to top it, that is, unless they set off fireworks or enlist Brad Pitt, at which point you’ve been one-upped.

You can also always subscribe to the KISS mentality: Keep It Simple Stupid. Although not as grand as releasing live doves into the Dining Hall, it works 70% of the time, which isn’t quite the slam-dunk that asking over the microphone at sit-down is, but pretty close. The simple yet slightly awkward “Will you go to Semi?” has always worked with me.

Peace and Love,
Margo, Rita & Curtis