Question
Response
(Translation for Humans)
What’s your favorite part of the day?
Woof bark. bow-wow, woof.
(At around noon every day, I go play fetch in the backyard. It’s a lot of fun, but I’m also really lazy so I get tired and come in after 5 minutes to take a nap)
Do you get jealous when I pet someone else’s dog?
Bark! Woof, woof
(Yes! Those hugs are for me only.)
Why do you always sniff other dogs’ butts when you see them?
Ruff-ruff?
(Why do you always grab other humans’ paws when you see them?)
Why do you hate the vacuum cleaner so much?
Woof, bark bark.
(Well excuse me for trying to protect the family from that horrid monster)
Why do you always stick your head out the window when we go for drives?
Woof, woof.
(It’s just a good time.)
Are you happy that the family is always at home now?
Woof, woof woof, bark ruff bow-wow.
(It’s exciting to be able to play with the family, but it does give me less time to sleep. As I said, I am very lazy.)
Why do you always tear up your toys as soon as we get them for you?
Woof, bark?
(They’re called chew toys, aren’t they?)
Why do you always scratch up your bed and walk in circles before you fall asleep?
Arf-arf
(It makes it more comfortable.)
Pretty sure it doesn’t.
Woof
(pretty sure it does)
Do you realize you have completely destroyed my sofa?
Woof. Bark bark. Bow-wow
(I didn’t destroy it. I improved it. Plus it looked tasty.)
Do you only love me because I feed you?
Woof, woof woof, bark.
(Well not completely, but it is a major factor.)
What do you do when I’m not around?
Arf-arf.
(Wait for you to come back.)
Why did you crap all over my floor on my fourteenth birthday?
Bow-wow. arf bark?
(It was my birthday present. Didn’t you like it?)
Are you hungry?
Bark.
(Almost always.)
Who’s a good boy?
Woof?
(Is it me?)