Dear Margo, Rita & Curtis,
I hate winter.
Xoxo, Ice Ice Baby
That’s not a question, but I know what you mean. I have written many strongly-worded anonymous letters to the Head of School demanding that Deerfield Academy be transplanted to southern Florida, a move I’m sure is completely plausible and is being planned by the administration as we speak. But for now, you will have to learn to cope.
To help you along, I have decided to share exclusively with you, my readers, my secrets for surviving the tundra that is Deerfield between December and March.
1. Set vanity aside: If you are like me, you were not blessed with a head that looks good in hats—in fact, you may look like a bald baby in hats. But trust me, you will look worse with frostbite, so suck it up and put on that dang hat. And no spring dresses—nothing is worse than seeing someone wearing a Lily Pulitzer dress and a parka over it. Save that for March.
2. Avoid carrying anything if walking outside: the iced chai might have seemed like a great idea when you were in the warmth of the Koch, but when you have to hold it in your bare hand in the freezing cold on the walk to Arms, you will have serious regrets. I made this mistake once, and I swear my hand froze to the side of the compostable plastic before I reached the Library.
3. Use the tunnels: Once you make it into any part of the Dining Hall, Greer or Gym complex, you basically don’t have to go outside again until it’s time to go to your dorm. Let me give you my sample schedule…
3:10—I get to the Dining Hall for snack time, snag a bagel.
3:35—I go through the underground tunnel to the Greer, potentially have another snack, or maybe a drink, depending how I’m feeling.
4:00—It’s time for me to go to sports, but I linger in the Greer for five more minutes anyway.
4:05—Arrive at practice
5:30—Tunnel back to dinner
And voila! I passed a full two hours without ever having to step foot outside.
To close, I’d like to mention that as I write this it is raining, which means tomorrow all paths and quads will be covered by a solid two inches of ice. Therefore, if you don’t own ice skates, I recommend you invest in some. Unless you are like me and you can’t skate (I mean really can’t skate, like I used those push things at ice rinks until I was 12 and would have continued if the manager at the rink hadn’t decided that it was “unsafe” to use past a certain height)-in which case we’re both doomed.
Happy Winter (oxymoron?),
Margo, Rita, & Curtis