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The Onion Makes Us Cry
The Editorial Board
March 7, 2014

On behalf of Deerfield, The Scroll would like to sincerely thank that beacon of journalistic integrity called The Onion for featuring us in their recent newscast. We are confident we are indeed going to be “F*king up Black History Month,” especially since we kicked it off by honoring MLK day with a five-hour long program that included packaging 170,000 meals for typhoon-affected children in Haiti and the Philippines.

We hope that what this program, addressing socioeconomic, gender and racial barriers did not offend our “disproportionately small number of minorities”—assuming you count 1 in 3 as a disproportionately small ratio, that is.

We cringe to realize that having a Colombian Head of School, Argentinian Dean of Faculty, and Haitian-American Director of Inclusion also puts us at risk of being a racially exclusive community.

We recognize that our ties with King’s Academy in Jordan and the Starehe School in Nigeria; other exchange programs with schools in Africa, Asia and South America, and annual community service trips to the Dominican Republic and other developing countries reveal that we are rapidly falling behind the recent boarding-school trend of embracing globalization.

So thank you, The Onion, for putting us back on the right track, though your biting wit may have hurt a little more if you had bothered to Google some actual photos of Deerfield Academy. To think we had seriously been considering “misunderstanding the struggles of African-Americans” as our administrative agenda for the next three months!